Remember the Dreams Read online

  She swept her hand up the back of her neck to show Jana that she wouldn't have any trouble making a chignon out of it if she wanted.

  Jana shrugged with a smile. "I suppose it probably doesn't feel anywhere near as heavy," she conceded, watching Toni give her head a quick shake and the curve of swingy, light blond hair fall back to her shoulders. "And it does make you look . . . well, softer, I think."

  Toni's already husky voice lowered several notches. "Less like the tyrant of Wall Street?"

  "How about more like a-college sophomore." Jana grinned at Toni's moan and ducked behind her menu.

  Jana had insisted that Toni meet her at a nearby steakhouse after her hair appointment, and Toni was glad that she had. For once, she wasn't thinking about Kyle. Jana was good company—even if she did seem a little preoccupied. Toni couldn't help but notice that the petite brunette had developed quite a fixation with her watch, and the front door of the restaurant.

  "I think I'd like another drink before we order." Jana folded her menu and signaled their waitress. "How about it?"

  Toni was game. "Why not?"

  Their second round of drinks was delivered and Jana was halfway through an amusing discourse on the unpredictable toilet habits of three-year olds when Toni glanced up to see

  Todd talking with the young girl who had seated them. The girl was nodding toward their table.

  She knew that Jana and Todd had gone out a couple of times, strictly on a casual basis— according to Jana, Todd had his eye on the new file girl Kyle had just hired—and she now knew why Jana had been watching the door.

  "Todd's here." Toni smiled and watched Jana's head jerk sideways then quickly back.

  Jana had a very strange look on her face. And when Toni looked back over at Todd, she knew why.

  Kyle was with him.

  "Toni, please," Jana said, seeing the look in Tonf s eyes that clearly spelled "traitor." "I told Todd I couldn't go out with him tonight because I was having dinner with you. He mentioned it to Kyle, and . . ."

  "Hi, ladies." Todd's greeting lacked a little of his typical effusiveness as he slid into the booth next to Jana. "We got tied up in . . ." He cut off his explanation about why they were late when he looked over at Toni. "Hey! I like your hair!"

  Kyle didn't. That was apparent enough by the scowl he was directing at Toni's head. He must have realized that his opinion wouldn't help his position any because he immediately softened his expression. "You don't mind if we crash this party, do you?"

  Toni did mind. Very much. But Jana was already mumbling, "Of course not."

  Toni had no choice but to move over and make room for him on her side of the table. She had perversely thought about just letting him stand there, but then decided that if that would make anyone look foolish, it would only be herself.

  "You were saying that you got tied up?" Jana prompted, groping for some tidbit to latch on to.

  "Traffic," Todd supplied, scanning Jana's menu. "It was worse than usual tonight, wasn't it, Kyle?"

  "It's all the work they're doing on the streets." Kyle seemed impervious to the strain threading the conversation. He took off his tie and stuffed it into his jacket pocket, appearing quite unconcerned with the icy reception he was getting on his left. "Can I see your menu?"

  Toni handed it to him. The feel of his fingers as they brushed against hers threatened to unravel the tenuous hold she had on her rapidly fraying nerves. There had been no fteed for him to touch her at all.

  A taunting flicker of acknowledgment met his eyes as she quickly withdrew her hand. "Anything look good to you?"

  You do, she sighed inwardly. "Not really."

  She'd lost her appetite. And as soon as she could figure out how to do so gracefully, she'd leave. She should have left the second she'd seen him walk in. He wasn't being fair. Not to her. And certainly not to Jana and Todd by putting them in this awkward position. Kyle never had cared who got in his way when he was after something.

  "Will you excuse me, please?" She managed a tight smile toward Kyle after she picked up her purse. She had to have a logical reason to make him move without arousing his suspicions, or causing a scene. There was only one thing she could think of that he couldn't argue with. "I have to go to the ladies' room."

  The mistrust she expected lurked beneath the heavy slants of his dark eyebrows. But he did stand up—and offer her his hand.

  Wanting to appear casual, she took it. She needed its support anyway.

  The instant he released his grip—had he felt how badly she was shaking?—she headed straight for the door and out into the parking lot. Tomorrow she'd call Jana and find out how much she owed her for the drinks. Better yet, maybe Jana would stick Kyle with the bill.

  "That was rude."

  Toni didn't even break stride and continued to her car. She should have known that he would follow her. "Don't talk to me about being rude. What you just did was inexcusable."

  "We were only going to have dinner with friends. What's so inexcusable about that?"

  How could he be so insensitive? "Kyle, please ... I don't want to argue with you."

  She stopped next to her car, fumbling with her keys.

  Kyle stood beside her, his hands jammed into his pockets. "I don't want to argue either, princess."

  Since her eyes were fixed on the lock of the door, she couldn't see his expression. She didn't have to though. The deep resonance in his voice told her more than she wanted to know.

  "Then, don't say another word," she begged, and watched her keys fall to the ground. She grabbed them before Kyle could, but he was now standing much too close.

  "Come back inside with me. We'll have dinner, then go someplace where we can be alone to . . ."

  She tilted her head back to meet the soft plea in his eyes. "You're expecting far too much, Kyle. There's no way you and I can have a nice, chatty little dinner with friends when there's so much unresolved between us. We can't ask Todd and Jana to . . ."

  This time he interrupted. "You're admitting that there's something between us that's still unresolved?"

  She glanced away. "Unfortunate choice of words," she said, defensively, and tried to put her key into the lock again. "I'm not admitting anything."

  Kyle's hand folded over hers, his other one settling on her shoulder. "You haven't denied anything either."

  His touch was gentle, undemanding. And his fingers slipped easily through her cold ones.

  She wished she could feel something besides the strange sense of the inevitable that was sweeping through her. There was only one way she could keep him from torturing her like this. Only one thing she could say that would finally make him leave her alone so the wounds would begin to heal.

  There was a deep sadness in her eyes when she slowly uncurled her fingers and lifted them to trace the chiseled line of his jaw.

  One last time she would touch him. One last time, she would feel that beautifully molded mouth against hers.

  Raising her other hand, she pushed her fingers through the soft black hair at the back of his head and drew it toward her.

  Kyle did nothing to discourage her. But he took no initiative either. His only response was to taste her lips as tenderly as she was tasting his, and to dig his fingers a little deeper into the jacket covering her shoulder.

  She pulled away to meet the question smoldering in his eyes.

  "You win," she conceded with a tremulous smile. "You said that all I had to do was tell you that I don't love you and you'd leave me alone." The keys in her hand bit into her palm, but that pain was nothing compared to the one twisting through her heart. She allowed herself one last look at his tightly held features, then turned away. "I don't love you, Kyle."

  Chapter 9

  Kyle didn't try to stop her when she slid inside her car. But just as she closed the door, he jerked it back open.

  "You're a lot better at denying yourself what you want than I am, Toni."

  She drew a trembling breath and tried to put the key into
the ignition. "It's impossible to deny yourself something you can't have."

  "Did it ever occur to you that one of the things you want is something I can't give you?" A moment ago frustration had tinted his tone. Now, he sounded angry. "That it might be something I want, too, but. . . Oh, forget it," he grated, adding an imprecation she couldn't quite hear.

  She jumped when, a second later, he slammed the door—confusion joining hurt as she watched him disappear back through the parking lot.

  Three minutes ago she had wanted nothing more than to put physical distance between them. Now, it was all she could do to keep from running after him. Would her heart and her head ever come to terms?

  ❧

  There wasn't a cloud in the sky on Saturday morning. It was one of those crisp fall days that invigorates the senses and heightens one's awareness to the change of seasons. The brisk, clean air reddened her cheeks and the faint smell of burning leaves made the rustle of those crunching beneath Toni's rhythmically pounding feet more noticeable somehow. It was a day to be shared. But the only person she wanted to share it with wasn't with her.

  It was her own fault. If she had just left things alone, let their relationship remain the friendly, companionable one it had always been, none of this would have happened. She would still have Kyle to talk to.

  As much as she missed being in Kyle's arms, she missed their sometimes bantering, other times serious, conversations more. She missed her best friend.

  Leaving the jogging path, she cut across the play yard toward the duck pond. The squeals and laughter of the children tumbling down slides and begging their mothers to push them higher —"Higher, mommy!"—on the swings assailed her wind-numbed ears.

  Children.

  Years ago she had clung to an idealized fantasy of herself dressed in a frilly apron, tending to a nursery full of pink-cheeked babies while sending an imaginary husband off to work from a house in the suburbs. And over the years she had come to realize why she had conjured up that idyllic fantasy. She'd been an only child, one who'd spent most of her time in boarding schools, receiving little more than an occasional letter or gift from a mother who was never there. Her visions of domestic perfection had been nothing more than an escape from emotional loneliness.

  Then she encountered the real world and a sense of practicality had taken over. The romantic lived on in her soul, but the dreams changed. She wasn't the frilly-apron type at all. The thought of spending all day cooped up with a houseful of children lost its appeal. She was a businesswoman, one with a much more realistic picture of the future. If she was ever blessed with a child, it would be because she and the man who shared her love needed to share it with another human being.

  But the man she loved didn't love her. And as for a child . . .

  She quickened her pace when she hit the path around the pond and tried to push the unwanted thoughts away. The track was filled with other joggers, and if any one of them paid any attention to the slender young woman in the lavender sweatsuit, they probably thought the tears she wiped from her eyes every fourth step were only caused by the cold.

  ❧

  Kyle was sitting on a bench in another park several miles away. Wiping the dirt and perspiration from his face with his towel, he watched the other men come off the field and head to their cars. He was glad the game was over. His mind just hadn't been on it today.

  It was on the woman he loved, the woman he had given no choice but to say that she didn't love him.

  He'd known all along how he'd felt about Toni. He just hadn't allowed himself to verbalize that emotion because it implied responsibilities he couldn't live up to. He still couldn't give her the security she wanted, but he owed them both a little honesty for a change.

  "Hey, Donovan!" Todd broke away from the group in the parking lot and stopped in front of Kyle. "You want to come have a beer?"

  Kyle absently rubbed his unshaven cheek. "Thanks. But I think I'll pass."

  "No luck, huh?"

  Kyle's gaze shifted from Todd's worn-out tennis shoes to his scruffy sweatshirt. Though Todd hadn't said anything about Tuesday night, Kyle knew what he was talking about. It had been Todd's idea to make a foursome out of dinner, and Kyle had thought it might be a good way to reestablish the companionship he and Toni had once shared. It had been an incredibly asinine thought.

  "No," he conceded. "No luck."

  Todd shrugged, his mouth twisting sympathetically, and walked off—leaving Kyle to contemplate the first step he needed to take. He had to talk to Toni—somewhere where there would be no interruptions and she didn't have any excuse to leave. The only place that met those requirements was her house. So the first thing he had to do was find out where she was living.

  That meant going to see the man she had run to when she'd left him. If he remembered correctly, Toni had mentioned once that the West-line Clinic was open until two o'clock on Saturdays.

  Kyle made it to the clinic by one, prepared to choke Toni's address out of the good doctor if he had to. He never had liked Greg Nichols.

  Attitudes change. Drastically sometimes.

  ❧

  When Kyle walked out of the clinic over two hours later—totally amazed at how skillfully Greg had drawn him out—he felt dazed. He had just been handed a fighting chance at the ultimate reprieve. And, as far as he was concerned, Greg Nichols was the greatest guy on earth.

  Kyle leaned against the fender of his car and stared down at the piece of paper Toni's address was written on. His hand was shaking so badly he couldn't even read it.

  ❧

  Toni had thought about going in to the office when she'd returned from the park. But that idea was quickly axed. It would only be a waste of time. She needed some kind of escape, but work wasn't it. What she needed was a vacation —to someplace warm like Hawaii, or the Sahara desert.

  She was freezing. Though she'd been home for hours, the chill that had seeped into her bones while she'd been running felt like it was going to be permanent. Even her knees were cold. And the blasted furnace was out of whack. It was all of thirty-five degrees outside, and she could have sworn that it wasn't much more than that in her tiny house. She should have taken the condo Greg had offered. It had a fireplace. It didn't come with furniture though. If she had the choice now . . .

  Tucking her jean-clad legs beneath her on the brown plaid loveseat, she pulled her blanket up to her shoulders and cast a longing glance at the wood coffee table. Greg would probably get upset with her if she made a fire with it. He probably wouldn't like what it would do to the carpet either.

  If only Kyle were here to warm her.

  "Stop it!" she admonished herself, and jerked her eyes back to the novel she'd been trying to read. The book was supposed to help her not think about him, but it was having just the opposite effect. She should have picked up a murder mystery instead of one of those addictive romances Madeline had gotten her hooked on. Reading about two people making love in a snowed-in mountain cabin was only conjuring up visions of the man she didn't want to think about. Besides, the setting wasn't exactly taking her mind off of how cold she was. All that icy wind and blowing snow and . . .

  The loud ring of the telephone on the end table next to her turned her shiver into a start. She grabbed for the receiver before it could ring again.

  "You must have been sitting on it." She heard Greg chuckle—and that put an end to the anticipation she told herself she hadn't felt in the first place. It wouldn't have been Kyle anyway. As far as she knew, he didn't have her number.

  "Just about," she smiled. "Are you calling as my client, my landlord"—there was no need to mention the broken furnace to him. She'd already called his property manager who'd said it would be fixed . . . sometime Monday—"or as a 'friendly' doctor?"

  "A bit of the latter. Is Kyle there?"

  She felt her heart skip a beat, then resume its pace in her throat. "Kyle? Why would he be here?"

  "That must mean that he isn't yet," Greg observed quickly. "Just give him
a message for me when he gets there. Tell him that I checked those dates. We had talked about either the fifteenth or the seventeenth, but the twenty-first is all that's available if he still wants to do it. Or maybe I should say, if he still has a reason to." There was a suggestion of a smile in his voice. "Anyway, I'll be out of town the first part of next week and he said he wouldn't be available the following Thursday or Friday, but I will need to see him at least a week before. Got that?"

  She most definitely did not! Kyle was on his way here? Greg and Kyle had talked to each other? About what?

  She hardly knew which question to ask first. "Greg, I . . . just a minute."

  A car door had just slammed outside. Dropping the receiver, she whipped back the blanket and scrambled to her feet.

  Kyle's head snapped up the second she opened the door. His expression held the most discordant mix of elation and anxiety she had ever seen. Her own revealed nothing but confusion.

  "Greg wants to talk to you." She crossed her arms to grip the sleeves of her bulky turquoise sweater and watched his eyebrows scrunch together. "He's on the phone."

  "Did he say anything to you?"

  "Nothing that made any sense."

  She didn't know if it was relief or disquiet that met his cool gray eyes. He just gave her a tight nod and moved past her when she stepped back to let him in.

  "Over there." She pointed to the telephone, then closed the door to lean against it.

  Kyle snatched up the receiver. "Yeah, Greg?"

  Toni dug her sock-covered toes into the tan carpet and wished her heart would stop beating in her ears so she could hear. A minute ago, it had been thudding in her throat. What was it about the mere mention of Kyle, let alone his presence, that caused her heart to forget its proper place? Maybe she had some physical abnormality she should talk to Greg about.

  Kyle wasn't saying much anyway. Nothing other than an occasional "Uh-huh" or "Right" while he paced between the loveseat and the coffee table. The phone cord was too short for him to go anywhere else.